What a Girl Needs by Kristin Billerbeck

the sanctity of the kitchen and meet Seth’s brilliant blue eyes for the first time since my wedding. “Seth.”
    He envelops me in a cold, stiff embrace and then, softens and pulls me closer to him. I break away as Seth has never been one for actual human contact, so I’m caught off-guard by his sudden display of affection. Affection is too strong a word. Humanity might be better.
    Arin is bent over her little one and whispering in his ear. She straightens in all her wispy, blonde glory and smiles broadly. “Ashley!” She comes toward me and side-hugs me so as to avoid her belly, which looks slightly larger close-up. Slightly. As in it’s honeydew versus a cantaloupe.
    “Arin, you look young as ever. I can’t believe you’re old enough to be a mother.” And I can’t. Kevin’s mother’s words come back to haunt me and I fear I may never be a mother.
    She rubs her belly. “Believe it. Nearly two times over now.”
    Rub it in. “I know, right?” I say like I’m thirteen.
    “Ashley?” She blinks a few times. “Your hair.”
    I rake my fingers through my style and feign confidence, as if to say, yes, isn’t it great? A new French stylist!
    “Did you do that on purpose?”
    “Yep. Always being the proper doctor’s wife, I wanted to break free now that I’m back in California. Shake it up a little.”
    “Well…” She clears her throat. “You’ve certainly done that.” She rubs the top of my arm as she speaks. She always was too touchy-feely for my tastes. “I can’t believe it took you this long to come back. Don’t you miss California? Your parents? Kay? We sure miss your voice at church.”
    Seth chimes in, “Yeah, we do. Your replacement is terrible. She sounds like a moaning hound.”
    “Seth!” Arin slaps his arm. “She’s not that bad. She’s just—”
    “Tone deaf,” Kay deadpans.
    “So do you miss California?” Arin asks again.
    “Intensely, but life keeps rolling forward.” Other people’s lives. Not mine necessarily.
    “How’s Kevin?” She hoists her son onto her Barbie-doll hip and I half-expect the kid to slide right off, but he clasps his darling meaty thighs around his mother and he’s happy as he rests his head on her shoulder.
    “Somebody’s tired.” I reach out to gently touch Arin’s son, but he shakes his head ‘no’ and buries his face deeper into his mother’s shoulder. “Busy. Kevin’s busy.” Thinking that sounds negative, I’m quick to add, “And great. He’s doing a lot more surgeries.” With Arin holding her son, I’m struck by his russet-colored eyes and how much life they hold. “Who’s this little guy?”
    Arin untucks her son’s chin so I can see his Baby Gap face. “This is Toby. Toby, say hello to Miss Ashley. She’s an old friend of your dad’s and mine.”
    “Unh-uh,” he says, and shovels his face into Arin’s shirt.
    “Toby,” Seth says.
    “Don’t worry about it. Maybe you’ll be my friend when I tell you I have chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner.”
    “And Miss Kay made your favorite cookies for dessert!” Kay says.
    “Awesome!” Seth says.
    “Your son’s favorite cookies,” Kay corrects.
    “Oh,” Seth says with disappointment.
    Toby’s face reappears and his eyes are wide. “You are so cute!” I touch his soft cheek and I feel the sting of tears behind my eyes as I look into his beautiful, miraculous healthy face. Kevin’s job has made healthy babies feel like an anomaly, and to see one up close is like finding a magenta unicorn in the midst of Palo Alto.
    The little boy finally ventures a gaze at me, but he’s not won over yet and tucks his face back into his mother’s ample, pregnancy-induced chest. Arin hands the boy over to Seth, who raises him up like the cub in Lion King. One would never know the boy wasn’t Seth’s by birth. It warms my heart to see him with his son. It shows me how God truly knows best and I need to remember this moment the next time my overly analytical mind