Who I Am by Melody Carlson Page B

started to sob. (I'm pretty sure he was crying too.) And seeing them there together like that just seemed so right, and so I slipped out. I'll admit I felt a little displaced for a moment or two, but mostly I felt relieved, like a heavy stone had been lifted off my chest. Just the same, I had to stop in the bathroom and wipe the tears off my face again.
    Amazingly, I went ahead and went to work, stopping by the school first so I could pick up Anna. When I didn't show up at school, apparently she'd been pretty worried that something was wrong and then called my house to find nobody home. And she seemed genuinely saddened and concerned when I told her what had happened to Mom. When I dropped Anna home, she promised to be praying for Mom and the rest of us. I appreciated that.
    DEAR GOD, I ADMIT I WAS FEELING A LITTLE MAD AT YOU EARLIER TODAY. BUT THEN I HAD TO REALIZETHAT IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT MOM LOST HER BABY AND WON'T BE ABLE TO HAVE ANY MORE. ALTHOUGH I WONDER WHY YOU DIDN'T HELP PREVENT THIS WHOLE THING IN THE FIRST PLACE, WHICH I KNOW IS RIDICULOUS BECAUSE HARD STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPENS EVERY DAY. AND I HAVE A FEELING YOU JUST WANT US TO TRUST YOU MORE AND GROW STRONGER AS A RESULT. LIKE THAT VERSE IN JAMES ABOUT BEING THANKFUL WHEN WE HAVE TOUGH TIMES BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT IT WILL STRENGTHEN OUR FAITH. SO, I'M ASKING YOU TO MAKE ME STRONGER, LORD. I NEED YOUR HELP NOW. AMEN.
Wednesday, February 20 (slowly mending)
    Mom's doing better, but I think she's depressed. And she won't be able to return to work for a few weeks. As a result, Ben and I are trying to be really helpful around the house. But it's like somebody put a damper of sadness around the whole place, like we're all sort of tiptoeing around and acting all polite and nice and just plain different. I'm sure it'll all go back to normal in time, but it makes me realize how much better I like it the other way. My dad's been coming home earlier too (bringing work home with him). And somehow I think my parents have gotten closer because of all this. Yet at the same time, I'm feeling a little on the outside these days. And I think Ben is too. So I'm trying to be a better sister. I even invited him to Friday's basketball game and told him hecan invite a couple of buddies if he wants. He seemed to think that was pretty cool, and it was nice to see him smile again. All things considered, he's a good little brother.
    DEAR GOD, PLEASE HELP ME NOT TO BE SELF-CENTERED. HELP ME TO THINK OF OTHERS FIRST (LIKE BEN AND MOM AND DAD). HELP ME TO LEARN HOW TO BE A BETTER SERVANT. HELP US ALL TO GET THROUGH THIS TIME. IT'D SURE BE NICE TO LAUGH TOGETHER AGAIN. AMEN.
Thursday, February 21
    Today when I dropped Anna home from work, she invited me to come up and see where she lives. “Are you sure?” I asked thinking maybe it'd be better if I just got home so I could help get dinner started.
    Her eyes brightened. “Yes, I think I can handle it now. If you have time, that is.”
    “Sure,” I said, thinking maybe this was more important than I realized. “But maybe I should call Ben and tell him I'll be a few minutes late.”
    So I followed her up the narrow stairway bracing myself for a situation similar to Beanie's old home but then felt surprised and initially dismayed when Anna unlocked and opened the door to a fairly normal looking apartment. Sure, it was small and cramped, but it was all very neat and clean. In fact, with all the doilies and crocheted afghans on the chairs andsofa, it reminded me of when I was a little girl and visited my great-grandma's house before she passed away.
    “This is nice,” I told Anna as I glanced around.
    “Where's your mom?”
    “She works late tonight.”
    I knew that her mom was a cook in a restaurant downtown and had slightly unpredictable hours.
    “Do you want to sit down and have a soda?”
    “Sure, let me call Ben first.” I could tell by the way Anna was acting that having someone over was new to her, and she seemed pretty nervous. So I