Who I Am by Melody Carlson

I think I did too), and it was just the greatest. I'm sure we were both on a real high coming home, and as a result the trip flew by.
    Well, it was after midnight by the time I got home, but Tony's car was parked out in front and the lights were still on in the house, and suddenly I just knew something was wrong. I ran into the house to find little Oliver asleep under a blanket on the couch and Tony and Ben in the kitchen making cocoa.
    “What's going on?” I demanded when I saw Ben's redrimmed eyes, like he'd been crying real hard. “Where's Mom?”
    “Everything's okay,” said Tony. “Sit down and I'll explain.”
    So I sat down with my stomach twisting and turning and my hands shaking because I just totally knew something was wrong with Mom and I should've stayed home with her. Tony placed a mug of cocoa in front of me and then told me that Steph had taken Mom tothe emergency room a few hours ago, and that Mom had an ectopic pregnancy, which he explained was when the fertilized egg gets stuck outside the womb. I glanced over at Ben and he seemed to understand all this, and I felt thankful that Tony had been here to handle this.
    “But is she okay?” I felt my eyes filling with tears now.
    “They've already operated on her and she's in recovery now.”
    “Is the baby okay?”
    He looked down at the table and shook his head. “There was no chance of saving the baby. It had probably died several days ago. She just didn't know it at the time.”
    “Poor Mom.” The tears started sliding down my cheeks now as I remembered her excitement about having a baby. And then I remembered my rotten attitude (even if I did manage to keep it under cover), and the tears started coming faster. “But maybe she can get pregnant again.”
    Tony cleared his throat, then glanced at Ben. “Well, I was waiting to tell you both this at the same time. But there's another problem too.”
    “What?” I felt my throat choking up now.
    “Well, when they opened her up they discovered the reason for the problem. It seems your mother had a tumor.”
    “What does that mean?” Ben's voiced cracked and his eyes were huge. “Is that cancer?”
    Just hearing Ben say that word sent real shivers down my back. “Is it cancer, Tony?”
    “They'll send a sample out for a biopsy, but Steph said the doctor felt pretty sure it was benign.”
    “What's benign?” demanded poor Ben.
    “It means it's not cancer,” I said quickly. “Right, Tony?”
    He nodded. “But they can't say for sure, and she may still need some treatments. They'll want to check her thoroughly to make sure she's clean throughout.”
    “Poor Mom,” said Ben.
    I put my arm around his sagging shoulders, noticing suddenly how wide they were getting to be. “She's going to be okay, Ben,” I assured my little brother. Then we all three sat around the kitchen table and prayed for her for a while. By the time I drank my cocoa, it was scummy on the top and barely warm.
    Then Aunt Steph called, and I asked her if I should come over to the hospital, but she said that Mom was just sleeping soundly now and would probably rest better knowing we were all safe at home.
    I don't know where the phone number for Dad is, but he'll be flying out early in the morning. I guess he'll just have to hear about all this when he gets here.
    But now it's after two, and I'm exhausted and have decided to just pray for my mom until I fall asleep, then I'll go over first thing in the morning.

EIGHT
Monday, February 18 (hard stuff)
    Today has been really weird. It's like I'm seeing everything through a different set of eyes or something. When I went to visit Mom this morning, I felt kind of off balance, like maybe the earth had rocked off its axis or something. I mean, it was so strange to see Mom just lying in the bed, looking so helpless and fragile. I kept expecting her to pop up and ask me what I wanted for breakfast (which I forgot to eat by the way). Anyway, she had on one of those awful hospital