Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man? by Rhonda Frost Shanae Hall Page B

of how long you want to wait before you have sex when your dream man comes along and try to stick to it. Steve Harvey says wait ninety days. I can’t say that there is a magic number, but make him wait. I know people who had sex the first night they met and decided to get married shortly thereafter. On the other hand, I also have a friend who had sex with another friend of mine on the first date, and the next night I watched him not even acknowledge her presence while we were at the restaurant. She sent him a text while we were all eating dinner, and he looked at his phone and put it away. He wouldn’t even give her eye contact. It was the saddest, most disrespectful thing that I had ever seen. In short, refrain from having sex too early, and never go on a first date where there’s a bed.
    The Questions You Should Ask
    You must ask questions, and lots of them. Steve Harvey’s book lists five questions that all women should ask a man: (1) What are your long-term goals? (2) What are your short-term goals? (3) What are your views on relationships? (4) What do you think about me? (5) How do you feel about me? Mr. Harvey also advises, “There’s no need to delay asking these questions—ask them right away, as soon as you think you might be remotely attracted to a man you’ve met” (p. 133).
    With all due respect to Mr. Harvey, the first three questions are good, but the last two questions may not be realistic. Most women know how hard it is to get a man to be honest with them on the first date about something as simple as his marital status. So what are the odds of a man giving us an honest assessment (other than traditional complimentary things) of how he feels or thinks about us early on (or later on for that matter)? To test this out, we asked several men,while on a staged date, “What do you think about me?” and “What do you feel about me?” Here’s what we found:
    Shanae: “What do you think about me?”
    Guy 1: “I think you are beautiful and you have a great body, and nice teeth.”
    Shanae: [So, you really want to know if I’m good in bed?] “How do you feel about me?”
    Guy 1: [With a confused look on his face] “What do you mean?”
    Shanae: “How do you feel about me?”
    Guy 1: “Well, that’s why we’re here, so I can get to know you better. I really don’t know enough about you to answer that.”
    I also asked a few of my male friends how they would respond if a girl asked them those questions. They all said they would tell her what they thought she wanted to hear. To further illustrate this point:
    My friend Curtis and I were driving to the mall one day when he received a call from a girl “he liked.” And I heard him lying to her about his relationship status and several other personal questions that she asked. When he got off the phone, I asked him, “Why did you lie to her?” He said that he never tells girls the truth, because if he did, they wouldn’t let him hit it . “Girls need to think that they are the only one.” He said, “I tell you the truth because I know that we’re never going to have sex. But the other girls get exactly what they want to hear.”
    Our conclusion: Questions only work IF MEN ARE HONEST.
    However, I do agree that we have to ask more questions, and that we should only ask the questions that are going to propel our relationships in a healthy direction.
    All of the men we interviewed also said it’s best to keep questions about sex and money to a minimum, at least initially. Keep in mind that the same things that make you laugh can make you cry. Similarly, the same questions you ask a man, he may also ask you. So before you speak, ask yourself, “Do I want him to ask me these same questions?” Here are some questions we think are absolutely imperative!
    Questions you should ask early in the relationship:
    1) Are you married? (He may lie, but at least you asked.)
    2) Are you still friends with your baby’s mama (e.g, your ex-wife, girlfriend,