Wild Things by Karin Kallmaker Page A

happiness? Why did my mind turn to teen years, when self-identity is so fragile and unformed? Before Renee showed me how to hate myself? Long before I became someone I could admire?
    "Faith?" Eric leaned forward and touched my knee. "Where did you go?"
    I fought down a blush and glanced from him to Sydney, who had gotten up from her pillow to add more chocolate sprinkles to her cappuccino. My throat began to ache and I knew that if I blinked they would see the tears I didn't want to acknowledge. "Sorry," I mumbled. I sipped my cappuccino and made myself breathe deeply. "I didn't think that would be a difficult question for me to answer."
    Eric put his arm around me and said, "You don't have to answer."
    "Certainly not," Sydney said, sitting down on the arm of my chair. "I'm sorry I asked."
    "Don't be." I pushed myself gently away from Eric, feeling steadied by his undemanding physical support. 'You hit a nerve I didn't know I had. I don't think — I don't think I fit in my family."
    "Why not?" Sydney looked into my eyes without flinching. "Are you so different?"
    "I couldn't tell you if it's me or them." A lie. I was the different one. The unnatural one. "I've been meaning to tell you, Eric, that I've gotten my own apartment."
    Eric gave me an intent look, then his gaze seemed to turn inward.
    "You live at home," Sydney said, not really a question.
    "I'm a good Catholic daughter," I said. "At least I was."
    Eric patted my knee again and settled back into the sofa. I had felt warm and comforted while he held me. His arms were a safe place. Sydney still sat on the arm of my chair, making my nerves prickle. I looked up at her, and I knew she was dangerous.
    "You still are," she said, gazing down at me. "You owe it to your parents to use the life they gave you. To not do what your heart calls you to do holds them in contempt. It holds God in contempt."
    I swallowed painfully, then managed a weak smile. "You'd be dynamic in a pulpit."
    She didn't answer or move for a moment, then pushed her hair back in a nervous gesture. "It's the politician in me," she said. "Politics is part preaching and part peddling." She stood up and stretched. "How'd we get so maudlin?"
    "Faith started it," Eric said. "It's the historian in her. Piercing questions and always looking for cause and effect."
    "Feel like a game of pool?" Sydney asked. "I never get to play these days." It took all my strength of will not to watch her cross the room.
    Eric looked at me and I nodded, eager to have their attention away from me. I tried hard to act as naturally as possible, but inside I was trembling and only a few heartbeats away from panic.
    The game room was off a wide hallway that divided the rear half of the floor in half again. Sydney waved to the left. "Guest suite is the first door. The master suite is back there. And behind that door is a great deal of exercise equipment I don't have time to use. I haven't found a use for these rooms on the right, but I put the pool table back in this corner for the view."
    What a view it was. We were looking away from the lake. To the west the sprawl of Chicago glittered unbroken as far as the horizon. To the southwest was downtown Chicago with most of the buildings dwarfed by the final looming presence of the Sears Tower. Closer to us the Water Tower and Hancock Center twinkled, and the Eisenhower Expressway, never empty, gleamed with headlights.
    Then Sydney switched the lights on in the room and I caught my breath. She looked at me with a pleased smile.
    "She did a nice job, didn't she?" Eric sounded proud.
    "I'm... agog." I said. "It looks like Rick's Place in Casablanca."
    Sydney grinned and Eric applauded. "Thank you for the compliment! Pick a cue," she said.
    "I've never played before," I admitted. They both offered to help and racked up a noncompetitive game punctuated with explanations of where Sydney had found the cabana ceiling fans, the old mahogany bar complete with brass footrests, and the white baby grand