Calling Me Home by Louise Bay Page B

metal container marked hazardous waste. I was in one of the disabled bathrooms on the ward, and I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to leave.
    My training as a nurse told me that a false positive was much less likely than a false negative, which in itself wasn’t very likely. I was pregnant. It had taken me the whole day to work up the courage to take a test, but I’d thrown up this morning so there’d been no more putting it off.
    I began to pace. I couldn’t have an abortion, I knew that much. But I’d seen Luke’s reaction when his sister had announced she was pregnant—he had been happy for her . . . and relieved it wasn’t him. He didn’t want this baby. For me, it was more complicated. It was a shock, but I also wanted to be a mother.
    I ran through my options. I could tell Luke that I was pregnant and that I wanted to keep it and I didn’t want to lose him, which was the truth. He’d no doubt accept it on the surface, and we’d raise the child together, but he’d spend the rest of our lives resenting me. I loved him, and I didn’t want him unhappy. I couldn’t bear the thought that he might hate me or our life together. The alternative was to keep the pregnancy to myself for now, end things between us for some spurious reason and then, when a little time had passed and he had accepted that we were over, I could tell him about the baby and explain that I was going to bring the child up on my own. The latter option might just kill me, but it would protect Luke from the life that he’d never wanted with Emma. I couldn’t force that on him. Or my child.
    I loved him too much to deny him the future he wanted.

 
    Luke
    “I need to talk to you,” Ashleigh said, hovering at the door to the living area.
    Why did women always want to have a conversation when rugby was on? I reached for her to pull her onto my knee.
    “I’m serious. Can we talk?” Her voice was wobbly. I glanced at her face to see if I could read what was going through her head.
    “Can I just watch this conversion?” We were neck and neck with the All Blacks.
    Ashleigh forced a smile, pushed off my lap and headed back into the bedroom, where she’d been most of the morning. Shit. I muted the TV and followed her. I found her sitting on the bed, her knees pulled to her chest, her eyes fixed to the floor. “I don’t think we’re going to work out.”
    I laughed. “Is my rugby watching too much to bear?” I sat down next to her. She moved away from me.
    “I’m serious. I think I’m going to move out. The tenant hasn’t moved into my place yet. I don’t think we’re going to work.” She stood.
    Blood crashed against my ears. Was I hearing things? Was she trying to end things? “What the fuck? Are you serious? What happened?” I stood up and tried to get her to look at me, but she kept moving out of the way.
    “Nothing happened. I think this is best.”
    A suitcase was open on the bed, and she’d started to put clothes in it. What the fuck was going on? She’d been asleep last night when I got in, and she’d been a bit quiet today. What could have happened? My heart was beating so hard my entire body pulsed. The thought of being without her, even for a night, was too much.
    “Are you mad I had to work late? Or that I’m watching rugby?”
    She shook her head. “No, of course not.”
    “But you love me. Why do you want to go? Ashleigh, please talk to me.”
    “I just need to give us both some time.”
    What the fuck did that mean? How could she possibly be changing her mind, now? Fury ran up my spine. I grabbed the suitcase off the bed and emptied her clothes onto the floor.
    “Luke!”
    “No, Ashleigh. You’re not going anywhere. That’s the deal. You and me, we’re together. We don’t leave each other. I don’t need time, but if you do, then you need to tell me why. I deserve that much.” My frustration made my voice louder than it should have been. I never wanted to shout at her, but she wasn’t