Days Like This by Danielle Ellison Page A

wanted to be in her life. It was easier to not be. Then I could leave
this town the next chance I got and Cass wouldn’t miss me. It was a good plan.
It was already the middle of May; I could make it another few months.
    I rounded the
corner near my place and Cassie was outside my door.
    Or not.
    My stomach
jumped at the sight of her. How could she prance over here in that little blue
sundress like it was nothing?
     It is nothing . And that dress was just a piece of
fabric that made her legs look really long.
    Every time I
saw her it was like being punched in the fucking gut. That’s why I really
re-routed my run, why I didn’t answer when she texted me, and why I made sure
to be as out of her life as possible.
    “Hey,” she
said.
    Fuck me.
    “Hey,” I said
back, not looking at her, but I could still see her in my peripheral vision. Her
short hair tucked behind her ear, as she shifted on her feet and bit the side
of her jaw. That little blue dress and the way it flowed off her hips and hit
her thigh. She stepped in front of me so I was forced to look down at her.
    “Can we be
friends?” she asked.
    Of all the
things I imagined Cassie Harlen might say to me, that was not one of them. Can we be friends? What could that even be? Could we go back
to friends after everything? Hell.
    “I just mean—”
she started. She crossed and uncrossed her arms. “I know things have been weird
with us, but I’m here now. I’m back. And you’re here and you live next door.
You are important to me, Graham.”
    “Important?” I
raised an eyebrow. I didn’t know what that meant. I was important to her when I
proposed, when she said yes, and when she left. I didn’t want to be that
important to her.
    She nodded. “I
know I destroyed your trust, but I would like to start over. As friends.”
    “Start over.”
I let the words roll off my tongue. Start over with Cass.
    I’d hoped for
that so many times before. That one day she’d wake up and come home and ask me
to start over. In all my imaginary scenarios, I agreed. But now, but this,
today, I didn’t know what starting over would mean. I started to shake my head
when she touched my arm. Did she know touching my arm felt like a thousand
needles all over my body? She dropped her hand back to her side.
    Cass bit the
side of her jaw. At least this was weird for her. Me too. “You were my best
friend for all my life, and it would mean a lot if you would still like to be
some sort of friend. I hate that you live here and I can’t even come say hello.
I want to hang out with you and it not be weird.”
    “Not be
weird?” I asked. I was only repeating what she was saying, but it was trying to
sink in. Cassie wanted to be my friend. She wanted to start over, as some sort
of friend. For it not to be weird. It was definitely weird. It would always be
weird.
    “Can we try?”
she asked.
    I glanced off
into the distance, away from her face so things could make sense.
    She was right.
We’d been best friends before. Way before I kissed her and long after that. We
had a relationship before we were together; maybe we could have a messed up,
semi-one now. That was how friendships started, so it could be natural if we started
at awkward. I’d already seen her naked—a lot—and she’d already broken my heart,
so I didn’t need to expect anything else from her.
    Plus, I had
nothing she could break this time.
    “I don’t
know,” I said. Her smile deflated, and that did me in. “I mean, we can try.”
     

17.
Cassie
    VOICES DRIFTED UP to me from
downstairs, and I paused to listen. It was Graham, and I bolted down the stairs
as quickly as I could. He stood in the kitchen, arm outstretched on the
doorframe and looking out the back door into the yard. Just having him near
made me smile. It was automatic, like breathing, natural. I paused to study him
there; the boy I’d always loved, the boy who knew every single part of me
better than I did. I couldn’t see his face, but I didn’t