Diary of an Ugly Duckling by Karyn Langhorne Page B

with a deepening sense
    of depression. Bette Davis was in the movie, and
    Paul Henreid . . . and as the credits faded into the
    opening scene, Audra knew exactly what she was
    watching.
    Even the movies seemed to be sanctioning her
    course.
    Now, Voyager . The ultimate forties makeover film.
    Bette Davis played an ugly spinster, stuck and sti-
    fled by her domineering mother, who, after a nervous
    DIARY OF AN UGLY DUCKLING
    83
    breakdown, completely remakes herself and finds
    love with a married man on an ocean voyage. She
    returns home, stares down her mother and—
    Audra watched, transfixed. It was as if Bette were
    speaking to her . . . telling her what to do . . .
    They probably won’t pick you anyway . . . Why not at
    least find out? It couldn’t hurt to find out . . .
    By the time the newly glamorous Bette Davis
    challenged her strict mother’s control and vowed to
    wait, forever if necessary, for the man she loved,
    Audra had the phone in her hand.
    It couldn’t hurt to find out . . .
    “Welcome to the Ugly Duckling ,” a smooth,
    recorded voice said. “To be considered for a spot as
    a contestant on our show—”
    Audra snatched a pencil from the drawer in her
    bedside table, ripped a clean sheet of paper from a
    notepad beside it and began to write.
    Tuesday, April 3
    Petra,
    I’ve done something . . . It’s probably crazy but I didn’t
    know what else to do. It’s a long shot, but with all the
    movies I’ve watched, I know a little about how to tell a
    story.
    I told them my story, Petra—at least as much of it as
    I know. I didn’t leave out anything—not Ma or Dad or
    the stuff I heard. I only had a day to work on it. While
    Kiana was at school Monday and I usually would have
    gone to work, I found this video place, made a tape and
    mailed it before I lost my nerve. It came out rather
    good, if I do say so myself.
    I didn’t tell Ma about it—and don’t you do it. She’ll
    just say “They’ll never pick you,” and tell me to stick to
    my diet. She’s right: They’ll never pick me, I’m sure of
    it . . . but I don’t need to hear her say it.
    When they clear up this stuff with Haines at work,
    I’m going to change my shift to graveyard. I’d rather
    give up sleep than have to look at Bradshaw again.
    Wouldn’t it be amazing if they did pick me? I’d ask
    them to make me look just like you!
    Be careful out there,
    Audra
    PART TWO
    Light, Bright and Beautiful
    Chapter 7
    Thursday, May 11
    Petra,
    The news reports we’ve been getting are kinda scary.
    Are you sure you two are alright? Kiana hasn’t had a
    note from Michael in a long time—not since his unit
    entered Basra. It’s hard to reassure her that her
    Daddy’s okay when there’s no word. She’s doing okay
    though. Don’t worry, for all our differences, Ma and
    I agree on our love for her.
    Still no word from Ugly Duckling . . . Remember I
    told you they called? They said they’d call back, but I
    haven’t heard a thing. If the show comes on in the Fall
    and I’m not on it, I guess that means “no!”
    Be careful out there,
    Audra
    88
    Karyn Langhorne
    “Audra, it’s Shamiyah Thomas again, from the
    Ugly Duckling show?”
    The young woman spoke fast, her voice holding a
    hopeful edge as though she expected Audra’s im-
    mediate recognition. “We spoke last week about
    your tape?”
    “Yes, I remember,” Audra said, her own tones
    coming to immediate attention. “But you said there
    were problems—”
    “Problems aplenty, girl,” the young woman said.
    Audra pictured her: some energetic twentysome-
    thing, probably as cute as she was perky. She talked
    fast, in the crisp college tones of a Seven Sisters edu-
    cation, but there was enough ethnic in her voice for
    Audra to believe this child might actually be black—
    and not just playing black for TV. Besides, Audra
    suspected there weren’t very many white women
    named Shamiyah in the world. “Is this a good
    time?”
    “Sure,” Audra said. “But I’ll