Money in the Bank by P. G. Wodehouse

and this J. G. Miller, who acted as counsel for the other side, abused and vilified him in the most outrageous manner. And, as I say, it appeared to affect Miss Benedick, as she read about it, with an indignation which struck me as quite uncalled for. Mr. Trumper says it was just natural good feeling. Stuff! The girl's in love with Lionel. At least, I strongly suspect so. What you are to do, while he is down here—he arrives this evening—is watch them and make sure. I don't want to lose her, if I can help it—she is an excellent secretary, I grant her that—but if I find out that my suspicions are correct, she goes immediately."
    It was fortunate for Jeff that the speech which has just been recorded was on the long side, for it gave him time to reassemble his faculties, which had been disordered as if by the touching off beneath him of a bomb. The discovery that he had strayed into the home of Stinker Green's aunt was in itself a disturbing one. Even more disturbing was the news that Stinker Green in person was expected to arrive here this very evening.
    That really did call for careful, constructive thought. Unless restrained—and how he was to be restrained was not immediately obvious—this Green, who had presumably been burning briskly with resentment since their last meeting, would undoubtedly denounce him in the first five minutes, or more probably in the first five seconds. After which, even if he escaped strangulation at the hands of Mrs. Cork, which years of healthy exercise on shikarri had rendered peculiarly capable of strangling anything, from a hippopotamus downwards, it would be good-bye to Shipley Kali for Sheringham Adair.
    "And while on the subject of Lionel," proceeded Mrs. Cork, "there is another thing. I don't know if Miss Benedick told you, but here at Shipley Hall we are a little colony who have pledged ourselves to discipline the body."
    She paused. The tenseness of his thought had caused Jeff to sink into a trance of almost Uffenhamian calibre. She gave the desk a sharp rap
    "Discipline the body," she repeated, wondering why Mrs. Molloy had recommended an investigator who, in addition to being as fresh as an April breeze, was also apparently deaf.
    Jeff came to himself with a start.
    "Oh, ah, yes. You  mean all that  vegetarian---"
    He, too, paused. He had been about to use the word "bilge," and something told him that it might be better to search for a synonym. "That Ugubu stuff?" he substituted.
    "Exactly. Have you ever been in Africa, Mr. Adair?"
    "Never. Lovely Lucerne, yes. Africa, no."
    "Then you have never seen the Ugubus. They are the most splendid physical specimens in existence, with the hearts of little children. This is entirely due to their vegetable diet and the rhythmic dances they dance. I am hoping eventually to spread this Ugubu cult through England, and everything, of course, depends on the earnestness and enthusiasm of our little band. I am sorry to say that not all the members of it are as wholehearted as 1 could wish. Only this morning I found one of them eating steak-and-kidney pie in the potting shed."
    Jeff seemed stunned.
    "Steak-and-kidney pie?"
    "Yes."
    "Hot or cold?"
    "Cold."
    "In the potting shed?"
    "Yes."
    "My God!"
    "And I strongly suspect Lionel of going off to the local inn and obtaining surreptitious supplies of meat while he is at the Hall. And I won't have it. I have warned the innkeeper that he is under observation, and reminded him that his application for the renewal of his licence will be coming up shortly before the local Bench, of which I am a member, and I fancy I have frightened him sufficiently. But I want you to watch Lionel and see that he finds no other source of supply.   You will report to me the slightest lapse on his part ; and I shall take steps. I may tell you that my nephew is entirely dependent on me, so I am in a position to apply pressure. I can rely on you?"
    Jeff inclined his head.
    "Implicitly. You were enquiring of me just now,