Nobody Loves a Bigfoot Like a Bigfoot Babe by Simon Okill

making could be heard.
    Lou got up and made a quick search of the rest of the living room. She had to admit that some areas of the living room smelled real nice, despite its clutter. She faltered, wondering what that nice, flowery smell was. Her keen eye detected several air freshener wands dotted about the room giving off a sweet fragrance.
    Suddenly something nipped her bare arm. She started to itch, thinking the armchair was flea-infested. She furiously scratched her lower arm. She wondered if Duane had fleas, but she hadn't noticed him scratching before—unless he was thinking with his butt-finger. The little nipper had progressed to her back.
Damn it Duane!
    Lou shouted out, "What the hell's been in that armchair, Duane?"
    Duane entered the living room with two mugs of steaming coffee. "Why d'ya wanna know?"
    "I think I've picked up some miniature guests."
    "Oh . . . sorry about that," Duane said with a shrug, handing the mug to Lou. As an afterthought he explained, "Some hunters' hounds chased a raccoon through here, not long back . . . they were all over that armchair like fleas on a Bigfoot."
    Lou sipped her coffee. Not bad.
    "Beau has never stayed missing for more than nine hours," she said, sounding troubled.
    "He'll show up," Duane replied with an unconcerned shrug.
    If Beau knew what was good for him he'd better show up soon
, thought Lou. She decided not to return to the armchair and remained on her feet.
    "Something I should've asked you last night at Abe's . . . have you seen any strangers in the woods in the last two days?"
    Duane looked thoughtful for a moment and idly scratched his butt. He shrugged as he sat back down on the creaking sofa.
    "Duh-I'm always seeing strangers in the woods . . . you know, hikers, campers, hunters and such . . . just the usual crowd hoping to get a glimpse of Bigfoot or bag a specimen." As a little added touch, he said, "No alien shit though."
    Duane shook his head and eased himself away from a spring that was trying to ream his butt hole, but no matter where he sat another spring was waiting. He gave up.
    "But Lou, this isn't the first time he's gone missing nor will it be the last."
    Before she could reply, Lou felt a sharp nip on her backside. She twitched and involuntarily scratched her butt. She stood looking at Duane, scratching her backside frantically while trying not to spill her coffee.
    "Don't I know it," she agreed irritably.
    Her gaze held onto the stinky armchair. She had an irresistible urge to blow it away with her Magnum .44.
    "I don't want to ask this . . . but are you involved in Beau's disappearance?" Lou immediately felt ashamed.
    Duane looked genuinely aghast at Sheriff Lou. "Me! You think I'm hiding Beau?"
    Lou gave Duane a keen look. He seemed genuinely shocked by what she had just asked. Of course, he could be putting on a good act, but her gut told her that her friend didn't have anything to do with Beau's disappearance. And that was fine with her.
    "Sorry about that, Duane, but I'd be remiss in my duty if I hadn't asked what was on everyone's mind."
    "If you like, you can take a look around the place," Duane offered. "You don't need a search warrant." He suddenly went stiff, "Who's
everyone
, Lou?" Duane sighed, "No, don't tell me . . . that shit-for-brains, Walt!"
    Lou nodded yes and had to agree, Walt Flucker surely was a real shit-for-brains. Should she take him up on his offer of a search? She hesitated for a moment.
    "No need for a search, Duane . . . I believe you had nothing to do with Beau's disappearance."
    She looked at her best friend-the guy who'd saved her all those miserable years ago, and could see the relief on his face. She glanced at a fading photo in a wooden frame above the fireplace. It was of her, Duane and
him
displaying a massive steelhead. A twinge of sadness tugged at her heart. Her thoughts wandered back to her surroundings.
    "You're not much for housekeeping are you?"
    "Can't say that I am," Duane said with a shrug. He