Scarleton Series I : Before the Cult by Sandy Masia

Not in this kinda world.
She is like someone who has just walked out of my fantasy. Do I
tell her?
    With my lips
pressed I smiled. “Is this some kind of joke?” I laughed dryly.
Afterwards I thought of how rude those words might have sounded.
She did not seem bothered, like she understood I was being blunt
with no intention of offending her. Were these ‘the jitters’ I was
experiencing? Maybe that is what she thought.
    She laughed
lightly, only to accommodate mine. “No, it’s not a joke.”
    Kindness
rippled from that voice, dislodging my restraints.
    I could feel
the door to my heart creaking as it ope]/ned, left slightly ajar.
Where it was just right. Gently and lovingly.
    This can’t
be real. This can’t be right. This is wrong .
    I sighed.
“Aren’t we here to study, I mean what if we get caught up in
conversation and we never really start?” I muttered, the words were
a shy away from moaning.
    “I have all the
time. The night is long. We can always study another day,” She
gladly told me. “If something is bothering you we can’t just ignore
that or we won’t be that productive.”
    I nodded.
“How’re you? ”
    “Um… I’m well.
Everything is fine.” She quickly replied.
    She gave me an
eager glance. “How you doing academically, socially and personally?
I want some details. ‘Fine’ is very generic.” I stalled. Trying to
prepare how I was going explain to her what is going on with me.
Mind mapping. I was not going to let that stop me from hearing what
she was going to say.
    “Academically
is going pretty, well. I am enjoying what I am studying and
everything. Except the reason why you are here. Which is psych?”
She glanced up, her forefinger to her chin. “Socially things are
pretty awesome. After the whole serenades experience I have gotten
to make a lot of friends, including here in my res. Things are very
smooth and looking up you know. And look, here you are as well.
This can also go somewhere. Personally… I kinda miss home. The
family environment and my siblings and all. They call me every day
so it’s kinda chilled. I feel like they are here in spirit with me.
I have been looking forward to this whole ‘varisty experience so
I’m kinda excited . I am stepping in this new phase and they also
kinda excited about it, you know. It still feels like it is one of
those things we are doing together as a family so it is not that
bad at all. Not that lonely.”
    I nodded. “ You
seem to be very close with your family.”
    “ We are. They
were all I had while growing up. They are like both my best friends
and family.” She raised her shoulders seeming to find it difficult
to elaborate. Like she was giving up on explaining it, but profound
things like these – as much as you do not have the words to truly
describe them – you feel driven into talking until you have said
enough or ran yourself into a senseless corner where you cannot
really say anymore. “ They are the best thing ever. God, I wish we
could all live together in one big house even after I am done
studying. Spend as much time as we can together. I dread the day I
will have to move out and make a living for myself. They are
everything to me. My biggest fear is losing my parents. I do not
know how I would handle that or deal with it. I pray to God that He
keeps them until I am ready.” She paused staring into the air. “A
boy who comes along and convinces me to move in with him or stay
with him will have to be worth it. He will have to be smoking good,
freaking magical that is. I swear to God. Haven’t you ever loved
something like that? Am I making sense?”
    I was quite
struck. “I think I get you. There are such things in life where not
even a compromise is worth considering. I think I know what you
mean,” I assured her. I started thinking of home (the crop) and
Macfearson’s unshakable commitment to sampling (his was an
addiction interwoven with love, and after all to love is to be
addicted).
    She fidgeted