Seed by Lisa Heathfield

concentration as they pile small sticks on top of one another.
    “It’s a house for the ants,” Bobby says, before we even have to ask. He doesn’t look up as he balances a leaf for the front door.
    “A mini Seed.” Ellis grins and I know I’m staring at his lips.
    And you’re important to me.
    My breath feels short, but I remember that Papa S. has cleansed me and I will not let him down.
    I turn away from Ellis and stretch out the towel. “Your mother is very happy here,” I say. My words seem to surprise him. I don’t know what he was expecting.
    “Yes, she is.” He’s too close as he sits down next to me. I should move away.
    “And Sophie too.”
    “She loves it here. She thinks she’s on vacation.”
    “And you?” I ask.
    Ellis glances at me again, and as he shrugs his shoulders I can see what he must have looked like as a young boy. “Who cares what I think?” Then he’s off and running toward the water, diving into its cold.
    I look at his tanned back, his shoulders, the hair now wet on his face and I realize that I care. I care, Ellis.
    I take off my dress. Underneath is the new swimsuit that Elizabeth has given me. Bright turquoise with tiny straps and two red buttons down the front. She told me how it used to be hers, when she was my age. It fits me perfectly, as I knew it would. I can feel that my body is changing every day, but in this swimsuit, do I look like a girl, or a woman? What does Ellis see?
    I walk toward the water and hold my breath as it bites myankles. I don’t know if he is looking at me, but I wade in gently just in case. As I swim to them, the cold burning my arms, I see that Ellis isn’t watching. He’s talking to Kate and she’s laughing and dipping her long hair back into the water, where it swirls about her shoulders like it’s alive. I refuse to feel envy. Ellis is not only mine to talk to. He is part of our family now.
    Jack sees me, though, and he waves. He pokes me with his toes when I get to him.
    “Where did you get to?” he asks. Such a little question, but it reminds me of the Forgiveness Room and the woman’s screams. I take a deep breath and push myself down under the water. Its electric softness numbs my brain, until I run out of air and have to come back to the surface.
    “You OK?” Jack asks.
    “Completely,” I lie, and I wonder whether I’ll be punished for this too.
    “Race you?”
    “Maybe in a while.”
    “Suit yourself,” he says as he pushes away from the bank and starts to swim. Instantly, I feel bad. Jack never speaks like that and I made him. But I don’t follow him. I hold on to the bank, slowly making circles in the water with my free hand.
    “Where were you, then?” Kate asks. In her bikini, she looks much more like a woman than I do.
    “With Papa S.” I won’t tell her more. Maybe they’ll think that Papa S. has made me his Companion. Kate raises her eyebrow at me.
    “Alone?” she asks.
    “Yes.” I smile and look away. I know that I have Ellis’s attention now.
    “You’re on the way up, Pearl,” Kate says, but her words aren’t filled with happiness, or even envy. It’s more like pity.
    “You’ll be his Companion one day,” I say to her.
    “What if I don’t want to be?” she says. What is she talking about? I look around quickly toward the trees. Anyone nearby could have heard. I don’t answer her. I watch as her defiance suddenly slips into sadness. “Because maybe I don’t,” she says, so quietly that it must be to herself.
    “Can I be his Companion?” Ellis asks, his face serious. But then he grins and rolls backward through the water. Kate laughs and tries to grab his ankles.
    I wonder what it feels like to touch Ellis’s skin. I could reach down now and touch his shoulders, his back.
    My thoughts make me swim away.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

    “Y ou should take Ellis with you,” Kindred Smith says.
    “To the bees?” Ellis asks.
    “You’ll need to learn,” Kindred Smith tells him. He bangs the hammer