Shampoo by Karina Almeroth Page A

Dreamily.
    But I couldn’t bear it in that moment. Couldn’t
bear his touch, his kiss, if he didn’t love me enough, or in the
way I needed.
    I shook my head no.
    We stood, facing each other, my arms wrapped
around myself, near his car out the back of my place.
    “ Go inside,” Ever suddenly said, his
voice that of a boyfriend again. I crave that tone he gets about
him.
    “ No,” I stubbornly replied. Just
because.
    “ Go inside, woman.”
    “ Why?” I whispered
brokenly.
    “ Because I can’t walk away from
you.”
    I wiped a tear then, and stared at the
ground.
    “ I can’t walk away from you. Go
inside.”
    “ I don’t want to – ”
    “ I CAN’T WALK AWAY FROM YOU!” he
suddenly cried, his voice breaking.
    My heart exploded, at his tone, his voice, the
love coming from it. The heartbreak.
    “ I can’t walk away from you
either!!” I cried back, the tears coming now.
    Ever grabbed me then, pulled me to him, crushed
me against him. “I can’t make this decision,” I said, muffled
against his shirt.
    And he dropped his arms from me, turned and
stalked to the driver’s side. He started his V8 engine with a roar,
and peeled away.
    I stood there and watched him, till his
taillights were gone.
    I wanted him to see me when he looked in his
rearview mirror.
    I wanted him to see, and feel, deep in his
heart, what he’d left behind.
     
     
     
    Thursday 27 July 2000
    12.20pm

    Dying of a broken heart, and
boredom.
    Not sure which is worse.
    Got no more ‘Dawson’s’ episodes to watch. Too
sad to read. Just lying here, wallowing.
    Like some pink pig in mud.
    Renee better let me come to work tomorrow. I’ll
die if I have to endure another day at home like this.
    God, I’m so in love with Evvy. Or something
with him.
    Why do other girls, everybody I know, get
partners, but I can’t get Evvy.
     
    8.41pm
    I want Evvy TORN UP over me.
Devastated!!!
    I want him so in love with me he can’t stand
it.
     
     
     
    Friday 28 July 2000
    2.57pm

    Ugh. Dying. Physically and
emotionally.
     
    7.48pm
    Oh. My. God. Evvy just called me. I’m in
shock.
    He goes, “Hey woman!” like nothing whatsoever
has happened.
    “ Er…hi. I guess.”
    “ Your idea for a break was a good
one. Let’s do it.”
    Took me a moment to realize he was meaning my
offhand comment the other night. I replied with, “I never thought
I’d hear from you again.”
    “ I know. I heard.”

    (Nat and Dan??)

    “ So is that okay,” he prompted,
sounding in a hurry to get off the phone.
    What do I say to that?? Is it better to just be
over now?? Am I just gonna drown in hope for three weeks then be
brutally crushed again?? What do I do or say??
    “ So you’re gonna call me in three
weeks??”
    “ Yes.”
    Pause by me. “You know it’s going to be that
much harder for me in three weeks when you call and say you can’t
do it– ”
    “ That’s it, I don’t want to talk
about it!! I’ll call you in three weeks.”
    I better be damn unforgettable. Every time he
sees something pink, he better think of me. Every time he sees his
best mates, Nat and Dan, he better think of the ‘twin’ he left
behind.
    I don’t wanna be forgettable.
     
    11.02pm
    It was Josie that told Evvy off. Dan rang and
said Josie gave Ever such a revving, in front of everyone, they all
went speechless. Apparently she kicked his ass for losing
me!!!
    God I’m so in love with Josie right now. If
only I were a lesbian.
    Rich rang!! He finally told me when he’ll be
back. I can’t wait!! We’re going to have so much fun together! To
have him back is going to mean everything. I’ll have someone to go
to the movies with, down the coast with. We’ll have drunken nights
on his parents’ back porch again, like we used to.
    We’ve been discussing all the things we’ll
do.
    I love him, I truly do. Not in a jump in bed or
I’ll die of passion way, but in a true way. I just love him. Like
family.

    It’s raining, and this place has a tin roof.
Sounds so