The Art and Craft of Approaching Your Head of Department to Submit a Request for a Raise by Georges Perec Page B

read, heard or seen any one of the many versions of the project whose true original is translated here.
    Translating a text which is close to being unreadable in the original is a paradoxical but not a particularly difficult task, since ordinary readability is hardly an issue. Assuming a willing explorer of this strange and wonderful corner of the universe of Georges Perec, I sought to replicate in English most especially the humour and the underlying rhythm of the French text. With that aim uppermost I chose to introduce variations on the formulas where they worked best in English, not always in exactly the same place as in French. I also took some pleasure in using a word that is not attested in any dictionary that I can find but which was taught me by my Latin master, Jim Brogden. ‘Circumperambulate’ is a word of English spoken, heard and understood by pupils and teachers at Westcliff High four and more decades ago. It really should have been logged by a lexicographer by now.
    David Bellos
Princeton, 10 October 2010
     

the art and craft of
approaching your head
of department to
submit a request for a
raise
     

h aving carefully weighed the pros and cons you gird up your loins and make up your mind to go and see your head of department to ask for a raise so you go to see your head of department let us assume to keep things simple – for we must do our best to keep things simple – that his name is mr xavier that’s to say mister or rather mr x so you go to see mr x it’s one or t’other either mr x is at his desk or mr x is not at his desk if mr x is at his desk it will be quite straightforward but obviously mr x is not at his desk so all you can do is stand in the corridor waiting for him to come back or come in but let us suppose not that he never comes in that case there would be but one solution to go back to your own desk and wait for the afternoon or the morrow to launch your campaign afresh but as is often the case that he takes his time in which case all you can really do instead of walking up and down in the corridor is to go and see your colleague ms y whom we shall call henceforth ms wye to give a touch of human warmth to our schematic demonstration but it’s one or t’other either ms wye is at her desk or ms wye is not at her desk if ms wye is at her desk it would be quite straightforward but let us suppose that ms wye is not at her desk in which case seeing as you have no desire to carry on walking up and down in the corridor while waiting for mr x either to return or to come in whichever may be the case the only course now available to you is to circumperambulate the various departments which taken together constitute the whole or part of the organisation of which you are an employee then go back to see mr x while hoping that this time he has indeed come back or in it’s one or t’other either mr x is at his desk or mr x is not at his desk let us grant that he is not so you await his coming back or his coming in by walking up and down in the corridor sure but let’s just suppose he’s taking his time in this case you go and see if ms wye is at her desk it’s one or t’other either she is in or she is not if she is not the best thing you can do is to circumperambulate the various departments which taken together constitute
     

     
    the whole or part of the organisation of which you are an employee but let’s rather assume she is at her desk in this case it’s one or t’other either ms wye is in a good mood or ms wye is not in a good mood let’s suppose for starters that ms wye is not i mean really not in a good mood in this case you don’t let it get you down and circumperambulate the various departments which taken together constitute the whole or part of the organisation of which you are an employee then go back to see mr x hoping he has come in it’s one or t’other either mr x is at his desk or mr x is not at his desk are you at your desk no so why expect mr x to be at his maybe