The Remedy Files: Illusion by Lauren Eckhardt

my right hand, trying to cover the sound. A large tin door slams with force. Silence again except for the beeping of my monitor. I don’t want to move in case someone sees me but I don’t have much of a choice. I need to get to a Remedy Cube. Besides, with my monitor beeping, it won’t take long for someone to hear me and find me hiding in the shrubbery.
    I keep low to the ground, moving the branches to take a better look. No one is around. I think I’m okay. I sprint out to the other side of the gardens, staying as far away from touching the steel frame of the building as I can. As I cross the road to the Clinic, I glance behind me. The door I heard had to come from one of the steel buildings. Someone went in there, which means that people do actually use those. But who? And what do they do? And why doesn’t anyone ever talk about them? I need to ask Gavin. Maybe he’ll know. He’s not going to like hearing that I was so close to getting caught, though. That was a risky move on my behalf.
    There’s no line at one of the Remedy Cubes outside the Clinic so I quickly swipe my monitor as two pills come rolling down the chute. They easily slide down my throat and within seconds, the beeping stops. Since it’s still too early for my work shift, I decide to go down to the Courtyards that surround the Lightstones to see if Jacqueline was hanging out after the Dig.
    Who were those men? They sounded older, as though they could be Officials. We’ve heard everyone on the Community Board speak throughout time, though, and those voices were too different. I’ve never seen anyone who wasn’t tending the garden be so close to either of those buildings. I’ll need to be more careful as I come in and out through Impetus.
    I walk back past the Unpaired Housing and once again think of Ms. Kay. She has now lived in both the Paired and the Unpaired sides; she has seen both aspects of how the ceremony choices could go. Which housing would I end up in? Which one did I want to live in? If I couldn’t determine what I wanted, how could Impetus make the decision so easily for me?
    The little Gavin has said about his own community makes me wonder just how different we are. He pokes fun at Impetus’ rules and way of life but he doesn’t say anything about what the alternative would be. Up until our earlier conversation, I simply have never thought much about him having his own separate community. Even though Gavin has always been outside of Impetus walls, he has always felt to me as though he was inside. Every day he was there when I knew he would be in the same spot for almost twelve years.
    Impetus was founded upon consistencies and predictability for a safe and secure life. I was already used to that but there is something special about me creating my own consistency with choosing to add Gavin as a part of my world and forming my own habitual trek to see him every day. Although still predictable, it is much more special because it was the first choice I ever made on my own.
    In that thought, Gavin’s comment earlier about choices becomes slightly clearer. I did make a choice once before that affected my life. After I met Gavin, I chose to risk the consequences of continuing to see him. I made the decision that I wanted Gavin in my life so I made that exact thing happen. We are supposed to entrust all of our choices to be in the hands of Impetus, but if I did that and followed the rules, Gavin would have been a vague memory instead of such an imperative part of who I am today.
    The question he asked is, what else do I want? Even though I understand a little better what Gavin was suggesting, I still can’t answer that question. The decision to choose Gavin came without much of a thought. Every single day it’s an innate act that I do- almost like blinking. If I don’t do it, my body isn’t operating as it should. Logic. I don’t know how else to better describe it. I don’t even know if it is more than what it is. It just is .