The World's Awesomest Air-Barf by Steve Hartley

 

    Steve Hartley is a sensible man. He has a sensible job, a sensible family, lives in a sensible house and drives a sensible car. But underneath it all, he longs to be silly.
    There have been occasional forays into silliness: Steve has been a football mascot called Desmond Dragon, and has tasted World Record success himself – taking part in both a mass yodel and
    a mass yo-yo. But he wanted more, and so his alter ego – Danny Baker Record Breaker – was created. Steve lives in Lancashire with his wife and teenage daughter.
    You can find out more about Steve
    on his extremely silly website:
    www.stevehartley.net
     
    Also by Steve Hartley
    DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
    The World’s Biggest Bogey
    Coming soon
    DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
    The World’s Loudest Armpit Fart
    DANNY BAKER RECORD BREAKER
    The World’s Stickiest Earwax
     

     

    First published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books
    This electronic edition published 2010 by Macmillan Children’s Books
a division of Macmillan Publishers Limited
Pan Macmillan, 20 New Wharf Road, London N1 9RR
Basingstoke and Oxford
Associated companies throughout the world
www.panmacmillan.com
    ISBN 978-0-330-52040-9 in Adobe Reader format
ISBN 978-0-330-52039-3 in Adobe Digital Editions format
ISBN 978-0-330-52041-6 in Mobipocket format
    Text copyright © Steve Hartley 2010
Illustrations copyright © Kate Pankhurst 2010
    The right of Steve Hartley and Kate Pankhurst to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the Copyright, Designs
and Patents Act 1988.
    You may not copy, store, distribute, transmit, reproduce or otherwise make available this publication (or any part of it) in any form, or by any means (electronic, digital,
optical, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the publisher. Any person who does any unauthorized act in relation to this publication may be
liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims for damages.
    A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
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Contents
    The Pain in Spain
    Sick-bags
    The Girl
    The Prawn
    Freckles and Jenny-ticks
    Silly Sausage
    El Periquito
    The Kissing Tree
    Danny Baker – Record Breaker
    The Super-Secret Ingredient
    The Pongy Potion
    A Wiggle of Worms
    Big
    A Spot of Bother in the Vegetable Patch
    The Worm Wranglers of Creepy-crawly Creek
    Ernie Slack
    Stinky
    Nobby Baker – Rexord Breaker
     
    For Rosie
     
    This is entirely a work of fiction and any resemblance to the real world is purely coincidental.
     

     

     
Sick-bags
    To the Keeper of the Records
    The Great Big Book of World Records
    London
    Dear Mr Bibby,

    I flew to Spain yesterday and I filled thirteen sick-bags on the flight. Mum says it was all the cola and cheese and pickle sandwiches I
had at the airport. She’s right, they always make me barf. That’s why I had them!
    Is this even close to breaking the record for filling sick-bags? If it’s not, I’ll try again on the way home. I can eat some
paella. That makes me barf even more!

    Best wishes
    Danny Baker
    (Aged nine and a half)
    PS We’re here because my dad has been offered a job as the Manager of Real Marisco.
    PPS We’re staying at the Hotel La Langosta. It’s posh!
    PPPS My best friend Matthew has come too, but I had to count the sick-bags myself. This time, Matt wouldn’t do the
maths!
     

    Dear Danny,
    Don’t even try for this one! You don’t stand a chance, even if you had cheese and pickle sandwiches and paella!
    On a non–stop flight between Paris and Sydney, Marcel Pompidou of Quimper, France, managed to fill 144 standard–sized airline
sick–bags. Newspapers spread the rumour that