Tracie Peterson by The Long-Awaited Child

dread washed over Tess. She had agreed to set herself up for the same nightmare. “This could happen to us.” She looked at Brad and instantly realized that the same thoughts had been on his mind. “You’ve already thought of this, haven’t you?”
    “Yes. I knew it would be one of the first things to come to your mind. I just don’t want you worrying about it and giving up the idea of adoption because this has happened to Kim and Travis.”
    Tess jumped to her feet. “How could I not be worried about it? You sound like I should just wave this off as one of those things. I didn’t want to consider adoption in the first place, but you told me it was our only real choice. Then seeing Kim and Laney together, and realizing how happy they were, I figured it might be okay. You were happy that I used Kim as an example to put my mind at peace. Why shouldn’t this painful nightmare also serve to be an influence?”
    “But what about trusting God for the outcome?” Brad questioned. “I truly felt that God put us together with Justin for a reason. Adoptions take place all the time without a single hitch. We have to trust that God has this under control.”
    “You mean like He had it under control for Kim and Travis?”
    “Look, you’re upset, and rightfully so. I don’t want toargue with you about this. Kim and Travis will need us to help them through this.”
    “Yeah, well, who’s going to help us through it?” Tess turned on her heel and headed for the foyer. “I knew this was too good to be true.”
    Brad followed her into the hall and interceded when Tess went to lift her own bag. “Tess, you shouldn’t let yourself get all upset about our situation. Nothing has happened.”
    “Yet,” Tess replied. “But it could. We could find ourselves in the same situation, Brad. Doesn’t that worry you in the least?”
    “I suppose it concerns me, but no, it doesn’t worry me. I want a baby just as much as you do, but I would want it to be the right situation. Wouldn’t you rather a child be with their birth mother and father if they could be?”
    “No,” Tess replied flatly. “Not if those parents are unfit. How can a teenager offer Laney what Kim and Travis could give that child? Those kids will probably marry and divorce within the next few years. You know the odds aren’t with them. Kim and Travis are stable and solid. They have financial security and a home already established.
    “And, as you well know,” Tess continued, “I’m a prime example of a situation where a biological parent was not the better choice for my upbringing.”
    “Sweetheart—”
    “Don’t ‘sweetheart’ me!” Tess yelled. “I don’t need to hear any more of this. I’m sorry you ever talked me into the idea of adoption. I want you to call Justin now and tell him we’ve changed our minds.”
    Tess ran to the sanctuary of her bedroom and slammed the door. There was no way in the world she was going to set herself up for the kind of pain Kim was enduring.
    The image of Brad’s pain-filled expression caused Tess to draw a deep breath. She’d shut him out again. She’d made this sorrow all about herself, her fears. When was she going to stop doing that?
    But this is about me. It’s about me and my fears and my lack of faith . She walked to the window and tried to focus on anything that would take her mind off what had just happened. Oh, God, I’m so scared. I’m so scared for Kim and for myself and Brad. I feel so inadequate to handle this. I try to trust you, I really do. My faith is just weak. I’ve grown up attending church, but I’ve not grown up spiritually .
    Her biggest sorrow was how she’d treated Brad. She knew he wanted to adopt a child—knew that he didn’t care if the baby was biologically related or not. Tess thought back to what Laura had said about her love for her boys. She said it didn’t matter. Tess really wanted to believe that. She could almost persuade herself that it was true, but then the