Tracie Peterson by The Long-Awaited Child Page B

friends.”
    “You’ve put a stop to adopting a baby?” Laura questioned.
    “I certainly don’t want to go through what Kim did. She’s a basket case. The doctor has had to sedate her. She won’t see me or anyone else. I guess that was enough to send me to my own bed,” Tess admitted. “I’ve been worthless since this whole thing started. I haven’t answered the business phone or even bothered with clients.”
    “I figured there was at least a problem with the phone line,” Laura told her. “I tried the business phone but it just rang and rang. That’s why I called on your personal line. I hope you don’t mind.”
    “Of course not,” Tess said. “You’re a friend.”
    “Am I, Tess? I’d really like to be.”
    Tess fidgeted with the telephone cord. The implication in any definition of friendship was that they would share certain aspects of their lives together. Right now, Tess didn’t feel like sharing anything with anyone.
    “I want your friendship, Laura. I just don’t feel much like a friend to anyone right now. I’m angry at Brad for talking me into adopting and I’m angry at myself for not having stuck to my original feelings. Then I get mad at myself for being upset with Brad, knowing that he was just trying to help us to have a child. On top of that I’m mad at God because He could have kept this from happening and didn’t.”
    “So God’s the bad guy because He allowed bad things to happen to good people, is that it?”
    “Well, aren’t we supposed to have some sort of guarantee when we accept salvation?” Tess asked earnestly. She’d battled with this thought for days now.
    “We have a guarantee. We have Jesus and He’s all the guarantee we need.”
    “But what about the evil in this world? Aren’t we supposed to be protected from it? I remember hearing sermons that talked about God’s protection from evil.”
    “How was this baby being returned to its mother an evil thing?” Laura asked.
    “Well, maybe it wasn’t evil, but it was very painful and very wrong,” Tess replied. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed. “My friend Kim loved that baby more than life itself. She was happy. Her husband was happy, and I believe that baby was happy.”
    “Tess, we can’t always know why bad things happen. Sometimes we see they happen from a clear case of disobedience to God’s Word. Other times bad things happen because of poor choices and not seeking proper direction. But sometimes we just don’t have answers.
    “It’s like one time when Adam and Aaron were little, they wanted to go on a ski trip with their youth group. I prayed about it and felt it wasn’t the right thing to do. I told them no. They asked why and I had to be honest. I told them I didn’t know. Darren even tried to change my mind, but I told him I felt strange about the entire matter. I don’t know if you remember that incident or not, but the youth group went on the trip and several of the kids and two leaders were killed in an avalanche.”
    Tess nodded. “I remember.”
    “Darren was the first to say that I had saved the kids by acting on my feelings. He credited those feelings to God, but, Tess, in my heart I was weeping. Even though everyone who died was a Christian, I still cried at the injustice of it all. Why hadn’t God simply warned everyone off of the trip? Why hadn’t He interceded to save my friends’ lives and the lives of their children?”
    “And what conclusion did you come to?” Tess questioned, eagerly needing to know the answer.
    “That God is God. He will save whom He will save, and He will take those He will take. It’s not something I understand, but it’s something I can live with. He has a plan for you, Tess. A good plan.”
    “I’d like to believe that, but given the circumstances of my entire life, I don’t know how I can,” Tess replied. “I was born to a junkie, enduring perils and dangers to keep my mothersupplied with drugs. I suffered beatings and abuse,