Tracie Peterson by The Long-Awaited Child Page A

reality of Kim’s situation darkened her dreams with a kind of hopelessness. And that hopelessness made her more angry with Brad than sympathetic. Adoption was Brad’s idea, and it was easier to be angry with him for causing her to let down her guard than it was to trust that everything would work out.
    “God, you can’t leave me here,” Tess whispered against the window. “You just can’t leave me here. I’ll never make it.”

CHAPTER 8
    For the next three days Tess barely spoke a single word to Brad. Hurting and confused, she wanted no part of his comfort or advice. In truth, she wasn’t sure how to deal with her husband. She was such a contrast of emotions and thoughts. One minute she was certain Brad was right and that God would make their situation different, and in the next minute she was hopelessly mired down with a sense of discouragement that went clear to the bone.
    Without the strength to fight it, a depression overcame Tess in such a manner that she found little interest in anything. Her work suffered as she allowed call after call to go unanswered. When the answering machine finally filled up, Tess simply removed the tape and turned off the machine. She didn’t care what happened.
    In her heart, Tess knew she was blaming Brad for her pain. He held responsibility, but only marginally behind the blame she assigned to God. Why wasn’t God fixing things? Where was the peace He promised? Her anger and sorrow, combined with the guilt she felt for alienating her heavenly Father, only added to her depression.
    Day after day, Tess sought solace in sleep. It was really all she wanted to do. She knew it was ridiculous to seek comfort in her dreams, however, as she spent more time in nightmarish memories than in peaceful slumber.
    The bedside telephone rang several times before Tess could rouse herself enough to answer it. Rolling over to see what time it was, she was stunned to see that the hour was so late. It was already three o’clock in the afternoon.
    “Hello?” she said, trying not to sound too groggy.
    “Tess, it’s Laura Johnson.”
    “Hi, Laura.”
    “You sound awful. Have you caught yourself a cold from your trip up here?”
    “No,” Tess answered and struggled to sit up. Yawning, she covered the mouthpiece and tried to think of what to say. “I’ve just been tired.”
    “Well, I know how that can be,” Laura said with a chuckle. “Look, the reason I’m calling is because Darren thinks we can be ready to roll by the twenty-fifth of May. Can you go ahead and arrange for the movers?”
    “Sure,” Tess said without any enthusiasm for the discussion. “They’ll want to come over and see what you have for them to move. Are you going to have them pack everything or just move boxes and furniture that’s already been prepared?”
    “I’d just as soon turn it over to them. Adam will be here by then and we figure he can help us condense everything into one or two rooms. The movers shouldn’t find it too hard to take care of if it’s all together.”
    “Okay.” Tess rubbed her eyes. “I’ll see to it.”
    “Tess, if you don’t mind my asking,” Laura began, “is something wrong?”
    Tess fully intended to say no, but instead found herself suddenly telling Laura her woes. “My friend lost her baby. The adoption went sour and the birth mother demanded the child back.”
    “I’m so sorry,” Laura replied. “I’m sure this has caused you a great deal of trepidation.”
    Tess realized in that statement that Laura understood. She wasn’t going to chide Tess as Brad had done, nor would Laura condemn Tess for her fears.
    “I can hardly face the day, and Brad and I haven’t spoken since I came home from Kansas City and he told me the news.”
    “How awful. He must be feeling his share of fears as well.”
    “I don’t know about that. He thinks I’m being stupid. He doesn’t understand why I refuse to go forward with our own adoption after seeing what’s happened to our