Becoming Me by Melody Carlson

his shoulders and the warmth of his body. But I’m fairly certain things are going to be different between Josh and me than they were with him and Jenny.
    I’m just worried about what this is going to do to my friendship with Jenny. And even though I’m willing to sacrifice our friendship in order to be Josh Miller’s girlfriend, it really will make me sad to hurt her like this. I’ll miss her friendship (although I don’t think we were ever really best friends—not the way it was with Beanie and me). But anyway when Jenny realizes how happy Josh and I are together—and how right the whole thing is—I’m sure she’ll forgive us, in time.
March 5, Monday (the waiting game)
    I tried to avoid Jenny today. I just couldn’t look her in the eyes. She noticed I had a little sunburn on my face (from the ski trip) and asked how I’d gotten that since ithad been cloudy in town all weekend. I just laughed and said, “Didn’t you know I flew off to the Bahamas last Friday?” That seemed to satisfy her. And then I hurried off to class.
    I hardly caught a glimpse of Josh all day, although I wasn’t really too worried. The truth is, I was still flying so high from our weekend that I almost didn’t mind. I knew our time would come, and besides I wasn’t sure if he’d had a chance to break the news to Jenny yet. So I didn’t go out of my way to find him. But finally when school was over, I looked all around and didn’t see him anywhere and that bothered me a little. Then I noticed Jenny was gone too, and that’s when I realized—he must be telling her now. So I just rode the bus home. I didn’t even see Beanie on the bus and I sat by myself and daydreamed about how fun the ski weekend had been.
    Then I got home, and here I have stayed all afternoon, just waiting for the phone to ring, and for Josh to tell me the whole story of how it went with Jenny. But now it’s eleven o’clock at night, and he still hasn’t called. I’m feeling just a little worried. I’d considered calling him, but I always think that’s kind of pathetic when a girl calls a guy. I’m sure that’s a pretty archaic way of thinking (not to mention unliberated) and I may get over it in time. But right now I’d much rather Josh call me than for me to call him. I guess I’ll just have to talk to him tomorrow. I’ve already picked out a really cool outfit to wear. I just hope Jenny doesn’t want to kill me or anything real messy.

NINE
March 6, Tuesday (dead dogs and broken hearts)
    When I saw Jenny by the lockers this morning, I could tell right off she was upset and had been crying recently, and so naturally I tried to escape without being seen by her. But it was too late.
    She called out to me, and what could I do? So, I go over and she immediately begins telling me about how her golden retriever, Dolly, was hit by a car yesterday and later died at the vet clinic. Now, I’ve always liked Dolly and had even asked Mom if I could get a dog just like her, so, like Jenny, I began to cry too, which Jenny thinks is very sweet. We hug and everything, and then I realize that Josh must not have told her about us yet (probably in light of her loss), for which I am greatly relieved. It’s bad enough to lose your dog, but not your boyfriend too. So I decide just to play it cool and wait until Jenny has a chance to get over this loss.
    But when Jenny gave me a ride home from school just an hour or so ago, she said that the only thing that got her through losing Dolly was Josh, and how she felt closerto him now than ever before. Of course, I didn’t know what to say, but I did feel extremely curious, so I asked, “Was Josh there when it happened?” She said yes, and that it was Josh who had actually found Dolly and then how the two of them rushed her to the vet, and when Dolly died it was Josh who held Jenny and comforted her. Well, I guess I can understand that—I mean, what do you do when someone’s dog dies like that?
    What I cannot understand