I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...: How to find love & sh*t like that by The Betches

before embarking on the agonizing yet sometimes amazing world of dating.
    •  Your goal when going out should never be to meet a guy. It should be to have fun with your friends. No one likes a girl who seems like she’s trying to get fucked.
    •  It’s much easier to meet a quality guy in person when you’re not blacked out. If you can’t have a few drinks without losing your right contact lens and left shoe, try meeting guys through some sober activities that you enjoy.
    •  Give online dating a try. It opens you up a shit-ton of more possibilities and the more people you date the more likely you are to meet someone you actually like. Math, it’s like, not just for tricking Aaron Samuels into liking you.
    •  Know what you’re getting yourself into when you choose a site or app to meet people on. Not all ways of hooking up are created equal.
    •  Be strategic when creating your dating profile but also don’t seem like you actually give a shit. It’s an art.

3
The Way It Begins Is the Way It Ends
Hookups and Fuck Ups
    T he best thing to remember about the start of any flirtation (online or IRL) or relationship is that the way it begins is the way it will end—if you let a guy fuck around and be wishy-washy from the start, that will set the tone for all your future dates (if you even get any, loser).
    The key to solid flirtation is to be just communicative enough that you’re alluring without coming off as a nasty bitch. However, don’t be so talkative that he thinks he can chat with you all day without taking you on a date. You’re a betch and you have shit to do, and running a pro bono text therapy service isn’t on your to-do list. If a guy wants your attention, he needs to buy you dinner or at least some drinks. So how do you take it from flirting to dating?
FLIRTING IN PERSON
    If you meet a guy at a bar, most of the time you should not be the one approaching him unless you’re feeling especially bold and you’re really in a mind-set where you don’t give a shit about the possibility of him turning you down or about running the risk that he’s fugly up close. Approaching guys should really only be done if the guy seems worth it, a.k.a. he’s known to be shy or like, you run into Ryan Gosling at SoulCycle. So, minus those exceptions, the key, obvs, is to get the guy to approach you. There are a few things you should have locked down when you go out hoping to meet guys.
    Eye Contact: This one is really fucking important as very few bros will just approach a random out of nowhere with absolutely zero sign she’s into him. If you’re hot enough, most of the time all it takes is a good ten-second eye-fuck to get a guy to approach you, and tbh it’s really more like three seconds.
    If you’re staring at a guy for ten seconds without so much as an acknowledgment, what exactly is it about Ray Charles that makes him so attractive to you? If you’re not looking cute you might have to rely on an intro or “accidentally” bumping into him while getting a drink. But I’d be careful with the latter because this usually doesn’t happen as suavely as it does in the movies. In real life, because you’re thinking about what you’re about to do, you will bump into him too lightly, he won’t feel it, and you’ll be in a weird limbo of deciding whether you should do it again and won’t realize you’re awkwardly still standing next to him, mumbling toyourself. Or, because you’re so concentrated on getting his attention you’ll bump into him so hard that the only response you’ll get is “Watch where you’re going, Shrek.” If you’re not hot, try smiling.
    Smiling: True, most betches have mastered the art of a resting bitch face, but try to make an exception when at the bars with your friends and there’s a guy nearby whom you’d like to approach you. Girls who smile are more approachable. That said, there are plenty of guys who will be intrigued by your miserable face and will find a