The Ivy Lessons by J Lerman Page B

anything. Nothing that might put you in a bad light. I’m sorry – I was just feeling the part. I took things too far. ’
    ‘ Just you saying those wo rds ... God, this is so wrong.’
    ‘I don’t understand.’
    ‘ I’m not used to this, ’ says Marc . ‘I ’m always in control. One hundred percent. And with you just then ...’ He runs his hand through his hair again , and looks away .
    I swallow hard, and can barely squeeze out the next words. ‘ That kiss just then – I was trying to act. Trying to do what you wanted. I wasn’t trying to cross the line. And I won’t. I can keep my feelings for you locked up. No one will ever know. And if it’s true that you ... I don’t know, if there’s something about me that may compromise your position as a lecturer, but you can’t punish me for that. I’ve been selected to be on this course. There are times when I’ll need one-on-one tuition. ’
    Marc’s jaw clenches and unclenches. ‘You’re right. Why should you suffer? I’ll get someone else to teach the course. I’ll step aside for this year, and find someone else to teach you .’
    I stare at him. ‘You can’t do that. Yo u’re the reason most of the pupils here are on this course. They auditioned because of you. You’re their hero. Their star. They want you to teach them. No one else. ’
    Marc looks at me, and there’s a long pause. ‘This situation ... if I remain a lecturer here this year, i t could become unbearable. For both of us.’
    ‘For both of us?’
    ‘Yes.’
    I look at my trainers , and see the wet grass has stamped damp patterns onto the cloth.
    ‘Why ?’ I hear myself say.
    Marc moves his face cl oser to mine, and I see anger in his eyes. ‘Because I can’t have you. And wanting something you can ’t have can be a very difficult thing to handle. Especially if you’re used to getting whatever you want and whoever you want.’
    ‘You ... you want to have me?’ I ask, utterly confused now.
    ‘Are you trying to make this more difficult than it already is ?’ Marc says . ‘You know full well I can’t have you.’ He takes a deep breath and lets it all out. ‘I’m your teacher. And you’ re my pupil. ’ I feel like his stare bu rning holes in me .
    ‘I didn’t know you wanted to have me,’ I stammer, trying to get my head around that sentence. ‘I thought ... it was only me, wanting you.’
    ‘It doesn’t matter what you feel for me ,’ says Marc, his voice stormy. ‘ I’d be taking advantage of my position. You’re young er than me . Vulnerable. And I’m supposedly mature. And if anyone found out, your reputation could be ... compromised. The press would hound you. ’
    I stand there, my mouth opening and closing. ‘I ... don’t know what to say.’
    ‘ This can’t happen again ,’ says Marc. ‘ Not with you. You deserve better. God, if you knew what I was in to ... don’t you read the papers? Lectures aside, I’ll keep away from you. And I suggest you keep away from me. ’
    He strides away across the grass, and although every bit of me wants to run after him, I know it’s a bad idea. I think about what he meant by ‘what I’m in to.’ Did he mean those pictures I saw in the newspaper? I don’t know how I feel about that at all. Frightened. Excited. And way out of my depth. Not that any of those feelings matter, because Marc has just told me nothing can ever happen between us.
    I turn and walk the other way, towards the accommodation block.
     

Chapter 26
    After a restless night, I wake early , shower, and go for a walk around the college grounds. It’s beautiful in the early morning, with the birds chirruping, and squirrels scurrying over the damp grass. I find myself, as I knew I would, heading towards the woodlands and walking between the trees.
    One giant fir tree catches my eye, and I grab a branch and swi ng myself up into its furry leaves . Then I climb a few branches higher and look around. I can see the red- brick buildings, and